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The current year signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, seeking a partner has only become more confounding – an commonly pointless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to discuss love, intimacy and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions validate your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {